babylove.

hey all. Im in school right now with Sean. :D Currently, listening to Faith Hill - How do I live. This oh-so-sweet song reminds me of how i must learn to really appreciate and treasure Hairul. As the days went by, I feel so blessed and sometimes I'm lucky to be given this life. I have my flaws, tempers and those blogshits you've been reading lately but guess what, I'm still doing great so far. :D

Teeehee. I know my tweets are giving my twitter-pals wrong impressions. They'll start asking, "are you having problems with your guy?, Does your boyfriend always made you mad like hell?". :) The truth is dear loves, it is not him and seriously, he isn't the root of it at all. The reason for my mad post lately was because projects and deadlines are strangling me and my time real bad. It sucks. Seriously, it makes me so mad and just copeless. But hey, i got just through it all. :D Thanks to my group members and those people who made all this happen. All the conflicts and misunderstandings, lets put it all back. :D

Anyway, like i was saying before, listening to this song made me feel so in love with my boy. :D teeeheee. Sometimes, i took him for granted. I agree and I admit. I am demanding and very evil and very much the everything you wouldn't get to see me when I'm with friends. My point is, I'm different when it comes to him and being with my family. With him, i'm more just complex. I get easily angry and all. But, Hairul's really nice to me. Despite getting scolding from him when we argue or when there's something about me he doesn't like AT ALL, he never shrugged cold shoulders and curse me in Hokkien and vulgars. :D Don't compare him with me cause haha, my mouth is somewhat EVIL okay at times?

Wells, the main thing is I love him so much and every minute with him feels great even when we're at the point of shooting each other's brains out. I feel so comfortable around him and he's been a great bestfriend. :) I love him not only for looks but I love him because he is specially nice both inside and out. Never let his quiet and tame look fool you because he made me feel special and so much in love. I think there is a reason why God turned my life around once years ago when I thought my ex was that one guy. But, haha. We broke up and yes, im very very disappointed and yes, i did cried my hearts out. But, it so happened that I started to see Hairul and we began sharing our thoughts and stories. I admit, i never got over my ex until i finally see how Hairul is always putting me before himself and his friends. Hairul was there for me when I broke down and cried, a shoulder to cry on and a comforter to make me all better thinking that, "hey. i need to move on."

After so much we've been through, baby i love you so much. :) Thank you for the wonderful years and memories we've shared. I may have hurt you in some ways or another and I am sorry. I love you because you are yourself and I love you because you love us.

:D XOXOXO.

BTW, IM A MORE HAPPIER GIRL NOW CAUSE PSYCHOLOGY PRESENTATION IS FINALLY OVER!!! OH MY GOD!! Happy, happy, happy. :D

Now, I can start revision and concentrate on the Finals. Got to get myself motivated and running. :D

Good luck to those taking psychology! :D Mwah, mwah.

im waiting for bellete dear to come school. :D we're going OB lecture and do some ppt for tmrw's presentation. Right now, im listening to Nobody - Wondergirls & doing some revision.

Im developing tentrums nowadays. I'm becoming more aggressive and mood tempers is changing badly. :( I need my happy life back. Im gonna meet up with my sisters after exam.

"Tell me what can it be when life's a hectic schedule"

im feeling this WTF-momentums right now. Some suckers are making my tiny toes laughing-out-loud! Withstanding all this and watching their so-called cracked-up jokes is so fcuking boiling me up. Honestly, im not known for hot tempers that well but its seems like im developing well if you put it that way.

it seems like the bitching didnt just stop there.

anyway, my sunday was great. Mummylove prepared chilli crab and hotplate beancurd for today! :D I spend the afternoon at Chinatown with Ucu and babylove. && i spend the whole of my saturday with shenbellete dear. Steam bath and lavender scrub was awesome plus the gossips. Gosh! It put our mind at ease. Really, i feel so peaceful. We're planning another feminine outing probably next week? :D Hahah.

Im updating some stuffs on twitter and watching this show on this love story about status and family denial. Thankfully, so far. Baby's family been really really nice to me. :) I feel comfortable. ;D with a wonderful babylove who is always there for me.

Gosh, right now im also thinking of getting another job. So, im probably taking a break in January. Then, look for PT job in february and prolly, im working at a roadshow in March. :D

Gahhhh, i wanna study so hard for this semester. I just don't wanna take up Supp papers. Cause after the exams, im gonna relax and prolly get a manicure and a new lifestyle. :) Im also gonna get baby to try out new things with me this holiday. Heee, probably wanna help out with the Car Boot sale and the Toy Fair. Teeheeee.

Anyway, im getting pretty tired right now. ;/ Thinking of all the bitchslaps and projects, i wanna faint. So, im gonna grab some rest and wake up to a better monday!

hey all. currently still stuck on macro. can't seem to find accurate data. ;/

gosh, im still upset about thursday. So, so upset. I know what I see, I know what i heard cause I understand even if it is another language. Body posture, vocal tone, eye movements. Gosh, this is so old school. Im 2 years older and I think i tend to pick up things along the way. You can call me observant because in some ways, I am.

Hmmmmmmm, im stressed. Finally got to remove my cutex on my nails. Im gonna put on black-orange soon, really soon after all this. I shared my thoughts and feelings with mummy. I feel better at least. I don't wanna go school anymore.

& im ending here tonight. ;/

exhausted. gosh, im so glad tmrw's friday and 1 project, over and done with. But, i feel sad today. Frustrated, sad and kinda disappointed. All these feelings are moulded together and gosh, they're stuck in my head.

I complained too much, I know I hadnt been the best, I realise Im not always there. But it certainly isn't true that i did not contribute AT ALL. Its not that i completely, and i mean its not like i completely ditch my work for others to do. I did my part and i offer help for other parts too. I can't feeling insecure and Im certainly aware of my surrounddings that something is circulating. My feelings may overrun and i may be thinking too much but I know what i can understand - in the dialects, tones, postures and all. I know and i feel so "backstabbed". Everything seems fine but I know its not and at the end of the day, im penalized. Past experience put me through this already and I never hope for those bullshits to f occur again. Im sincerely sorry but i can't help feeling this. I feel that my esteem is slowly decreasing. Im feeling so unjust, crazy and just helpless. Sucker, sucker. I need a healing paradise and escape to take me out from the ring. At least, let me feel like im human and Me again. Well, i did said at least. ;/

I guess people must be thinking Im talking crap here or seeking any attention. I am not but however, this is an online diary and here, i dote my thoughts and feels for the day.

F. gosh, i need a hightime goodtime right? Smoke? Haha, i do believe its not highly affective. But, oh wells.

Anyway, i think im feeling too tired. My mind's running wild and I need to rest my mind and gosh, hoping to wake up to another good day. I pray every night and believe, i will wake up to a better start and that, I will overcome these.

I need the strength Im lacking. I need the faith. I need me.

Baby spent time with me at home, he kept me company and it feels so great to be re-living the old hobbies. Talks, kisses and laughter. I texted bf today and we're dating soon! Lunch date, pizza hut supposed? Can't wait, i have a lot of things to get off my breasts. Hahah. Too much to tell. Aisyah darling's been kind enough to loan me her notes and I missed her too! I used to spend my monday with her but now, i guess we're both busy with projects and psychology.

Mummy just massaged my legs, thank you mummylove. Im restless, laying down like a pregnant cow playing the laptop. ;D I think i feel so much better at home and in school with my girls. I miss playing hockey dearly. Im hoping i could get contact with the girls and play one last friendly match with them. I miss my ITE dearies too. ALL OF YOU ISD, REALLY!

Ohh gosh, three more weeks and free like fireflies, okay? Hang in there Munirah dear.

We'll pull it through. Stay focus and study smart.

i thought it will be better this week. But, i fail to see so. Infact, nothing changed except that that im getting more paranoid about presentations and FAQs. I cant stand psychology, thats for sure. I dont know what is the real things that's bothering me but does from the look of it. My heart's thumping so hard to put me through all this.

Im gonna have OB presentation tmrw and presentation rehearsal after school tmrw. Im prolly not going lecture tmrw cause can't stand it. :/

Verbally, i feel so sad. I can't seem to understand why. Damn emotional. && recently, i'd been seeing hockey sticks all around me. DARN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss hockey so much. I complained alot but im missing it like hell. I wanna play a friendly, one time. :/

Sad. Sad.

Anyways, gotta go do OB and touch up on speech now. Toodles.

three thirty six, im still online and doing work. So much for late minute work. Gosh, i find sem 2 stressing. The more Im feelilng this, the more Im missing days in ITE.

Gosh, graphs and excel are so old school lah. So rusty that i had to look up my old ITE notes. Ohh gosh, i need a gateway badly. Im enduring pain here, tummy's tumbling like a washing machine. Babyku sudah tidur. Parents already asleep and mum woke up just now just to force me to sleep. :D

Anyways, i guess i'll be heading to bed now? Im still thinking, should i bring Lapp tmrw to school? Gosh, lazy lah. THURSDAY SCHEDULE SUCKS. Maybe dad's sending me tmrw, well.

Im thinking something else too. Im wondering how's my 20th birtdhay's gonna be like? Is it as I had imagined and seen of in other people? Hmmmm. I bet its gonna be just like any normal day, at home celebrating at home. Well, i guess im just simple.

Anyway, stop dwelling on that already! GO SLEEP.

tired, tired, tired. had a good filling dinner with babylove just now. after this week, its presentation. then, studies. then, exam.

only one thing, f-star. ;/

pissed off with everything at the moment.
& happy annivesary love, thank you for picking me up. :)

im so sleepy but can't yet sleep. Im off to school early tmrw cause i have lecture at 9am. Dont feel like going for mondays but it seems that i have no choice. i have this RP thing at 12.30 and i feel like so fuck. I kinda regret taking up psychology. Im still wondering why there's CDS. I wanna go for a holiday, pls! Unemployment seems so fuck. Just-pass grades another fuck. Projects deadlines nearing, another fuck. Plus all the stress in my brain, god!

I really i was i can go for another holiday. Pls, pls, pls. Still, i hope i would still maintain to do well in exams. Getting a 2.6 is pretty sad but..... i guess, im happy enough than nothing at all. Alhamdullilah. I still hope i can make it pass 3? heeeee. But then again, better start today lah damn it.

Sheesh, im really tired. A longgggggggggggg day tmrw.

Good night jollybeans.

watching "Super Snooper" on tape while doing my project and waiting for Mr CH response on msn. Got back from nenek's place yesterday night. I enjoyed being there, makes me feel like 19yrs ago. :)

Anyways, projects are so stressing lah! So far, exam results are okay except for Psychology. Sheesh, i still haven't get my paper but he'd already said "well, most of you fail". What a saddist. :/ Puke.

Mum already made breakfast but i havent start eating. Tummy's not really behaving so good these days. I feel constipated + gastric kind of pain. I still think is should send my lappy for repair, you think? Afterall, its problems intermittently occurring. Sundays are so bleak. Im so tired and pissed of somehow.

So psyche abt psychology. :(

tutorials, projects and major deadlines and draft proposals to submit. shits! Sad or what? Hhhms, just trying to blogged off all this off my chest but i feel that headache's gonna come soon.

Gonna get everything done before 12am, sleep and woke up at 5.45 tmrw and get ready for school with my darling. :) He's gonna go lecture with me tmrw evening. YAWWW! heeeee.

I may not be his first, his last and his only.

He has cared about someone else before me, and possibly will again..

But he cares for me now and thats all that matters.

I dont expect him to be perfect, because I know I'm flawed as well.

He may not think of me every second and I may not be the centre of his his universe,

but he gave me part of him he knows I can break.

So, i wont hurt him or try to change him.

My only promise is that I will make him smile when he makes me happy,

yell when he makes me mad, miss him when he's not there...

and love him like he'll never break my heart. :)

ask me what im thinking right now and i'll say this, " im turning 20 this year and shit, im growing so old. I wanna have a great birthday this year just to celebrate my new era but how? Its pretty strange for me this year cause i did not even plan a resolution but just to think of it randomly. I changed alot both physically and emotionally. Would i stay this way?"

Alot of things on my mind. This does not include the projects and deadline. Fcuked, again fcuked.

I missed babylove. I bet he's soundly asleep. I'm spending to much time with workload and the issues im currently facing. Babylove's just shutting up and smiling. I love you.

Im kinda random but the heart is certainly keeping something from me.

hello, i know my blog's been dead for weeks, days. But, i can assure you im pretty much alive. Kinda on fever-mode now. & yes, i feel like shooting someone too in the head. Dont mind my reasonable behaviour.

Anyways, doing projects now. Trying to grab hold and finish what ever i could try and finish so i can rest. Being sick isnt that exciting, trusts me. Especially headaches, Gosh.

Its the 2nd day of the new 2010. Alot of resolutions made and among mine is to slim down tremendously, study hard and stay healthy. Well, thats among it. I got a whole load of list to complete and it'll take paragraphs to finally complete half the list. Teeheee.

Im craving much for yong tau foo now. c: Heeee, should i be having it for breakfast?

Gotto go now, i got a mission to complete.